By Jacqui Marquis-Conder

      Adolescent and Family Counsellor at KYDS

     Many parents, teachers and other professionals report challenges when communicating with teenagers!  Here at Ku-ring-gai Youth Development Services Inc (KYDS) we work with teenagers every day and we have put together some tips to help you, help young people.

       1.    Respect- Often young people feel that their feelings and opinions are minimised or not taken seriously.  Remember, what might not be a “big deal” to an adult, can be a huge deal to a young person. Their thoughts and feelings need to be respected in order to facilitate good communication. It is also useful also to speak to a young person on their level rather than ‘preaching’.      

2.    Be patient and non-judgemental- It is very valuable for a young person to have an adult that they feel they can be honest with and will have the time and energy to listen.

3.    Be available- As simple as it may sound, it can often be difficult to be available when everyone is living a busy life.  Making time for a young person, when this is sought out, is crucial for building relationships no matter how limited your time.

4.    Be predictable- Believe it or not…young people report that they actually prefer having boundaries set by adults so that they know what is expected of them!  Being clear and up-front about your concerns can help prevent misunderstandings.

5.    Provide opportunities to build trust- Trust is a huge issue.  Young people need opportunities to demonstrate that they can be trusted.  If you try to make decisions for young people, they will learn not to trust their own judgement.

6.    Learn to fight without hurting each other- Teenagers need help regulating their emotions during conflict.  If a disagreement arises, focus on the issue and remain calm when emotions start to rise. If adults lose control in an argument, this does not set a good example for young people.

7.    Listen- Listening is often a neglected skill in communication. Being a ‘sounding board’ allows a young person to express himself to an adult and bounce ideas. 

8.    Persuasion rather than confrontation- Remember, the same basic rules generally apply to assertive communication with adults as they do with young people. Try giving your young person attractive reasons for choosing the desired behaviour and following ‘reasonable requests’.  Coupled with a calm statement of the consequences for not following through with requests.

9.    Use peace phrases regularly.  For example: ‘I appreciate you’; ‘Thank you’; ‘Let me be sure what you are saying’ and ‘Let’s sit down and talk this through together’.

10.  Seek the young person’s opinions- Young people have their own creative thoughts and ideas.  Seeking these out can be a good way to connect with a young person and they often have something valuable to contribute.

Effective communication with teenagers is not always easy, especially if it is coupled with challenging behaviours or complex family issues, but it is important that teenagers are heard.

KYDS provide free and confidential counseling on an individual basis for 12-18 year old young people living on Sydney’s North Shore as well as counseling to parents and families.  Since opening its doors in 2005, KYDS has seen over 2,600 young people and parents. To help support KYDS please visit there website at www.kyds.org.au or call on (02) 9416 9824. 

Affluenza: n. a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more. (John de Graaf, 2002)

"Daddy I want a pony!" This readily recognizable screech from Veruca Salt in 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' (2005) is a perfect illustration of a new virus sweeping the developed world. Veruca, the memorable archetype of the spoiled child whose parents cater to her every whim, uses emotional blackmail to obtain her every desire. After each conquest, her insatiable appetite grows. The products are routinely cast aside leaving her feeling empty, unsatisfied and lusting for more.

Veruca is a wonderful illustration of the raging fever Affluenza. Teens are experts at wanting and buying things they simply don't need. Acquisition of their latest fixation can become and all out theatrical production of kicking, screaming and manipulation until the compulsive desire is sated.

In a consumer rich society self-discipline is not longer a virtue. Rather obsessive self-indulgence is the order of the day. 'Greed is good' and instant gratification reigns supreme.

Alain de Botton describes hunger for status as a never ending spiraling staircase. His book, 'Status Anxiety' explains how living beyond our means disables us and gives us a sharp sense of failure because we feel we are 'unable to convince the world of our value'.

Two other books devoted to the study and spread of this epidemic both entitled 'Affluenza', discuss it's effects on society and the individual. the first by writer and clinical psychologist Oliver James and the more recent publication by Australian author, Clive Hamilton both discuss the epidemic of 'Affluenza' and it's effects on society and the individual.

Clive Hamilton, director of the Australia Institute (Australias' foremost public think tank), defines 'Affluenza' as the bloated sluggish unfulfilled feeling' that results from efforts to 'keep up with the Jones'. He argues that despite the fact we live in a period of unmatched economic growth many Australians believe their income is not sufficient to meet their needs. However the issue for many is not insufficient income but magnified needs. For example, Hamilton says "We want better public services but seem unwilling to forgo our income in the form of taxes to pay for those services" he adds "Australia does not have a public health funding crisis; it has a flat screen TV crisis".

The internal dichotomy leaves us constantly substituting 'want for need' and vice versa. The is best illustrated by Oliver James where he states that "People no longer buy soap to make them clean; they know buy it on the promise that it would make them beautiful . Toothpaste is purchased now not just to kill bacteria but to make teeth white. Cars are for prestige rather than travel and foodstuffs like oranges are about vitality rather than nutrition. Needs were replaced by confected wants that people did not know they had... Advertising at its best is about making people feel that without their product, you're a loser.".

We are vulnerable to emotional commercial manipulation that often leaves us feeling anxious, inadequate, depressed and obsessed. In 2005 the today show (Channel 9) reported a new scientific discovery that "money makes you happy...but only if you have more than your friends".

Paris Hilton recently commented that every woman needs "four pets in her life a mink in her closet a jaguar in her garage a tiger in her bed and a jackass that pays for everything"/ Sadly this is a prevalent Generation Y ethos. Clothes, cars, jewelry even people are commodities than can be owned and discarded as consumables. They lack worth and meaning. We must rekindle the understanding the human beings have tremendous value and are not defined by what they own or do.

Ask a year 12 student what they want to be when they leave school. Standard answers will detail their chosen profession e.g. 'I want to be an architect, engineer, marine biologist, physiotherapist.'

All appropriate answers but still not the answer to the question posed. The question is - 'who do you want to be?' not 'what do you want to do?'. Most people identify themselves by their productive output. But we are so much more than that and must not let this affluenza rob us of such an understanding.

By Glen Gerreyn

This twist in my journey began in my first year of high school. A “so-called” friend made a comment about the size of my thighs in my sport skirt. I was an average 12 year old, who enjoyed netball and occasionally ate junk food for morning tea.

I was an entirely average weight until I gradually began to decrease the amount of food I would eat. It was not obvious to anyone at first, because I began to lose weight so gradually. But as my weight continued to drop, the amount of people that noticed, increased.

The years that followed were testing for those around me. I had become an inflexible, angry, perfectionist, who exercised excessively, and was completely unsociable. I was unbelievably strict in all of my routines, and I was extreme in everything I did and did not do. I didn’t eat any fat whatsoever and I was not happy until all of my grades were straight A’s.

I did not even know what anorexia was until they diagnosed me with it. It was just a way of coping and I didn’t know that it had a name. It became a seven year battle where at one stage; I refused to eat completely, and only drank water.

I had three stays in hospital, all of three months in length, as doctors and nurses tried to revive my body and provide me with the nutrients I needed to survive. The pattern of hospital was not working: (1) be admitted (2) force-feed me (3) release me (4) none of the real issues were dealt with and it became a vicious cycle.

I suffered from immense sensitivity to cold temperatures (even in summer), irritability, depression, withdrawal, low tolerance for change and new situations, and isolating myself from people.

At 28 kilograms, the normal weight of an eight year old, I was wheel-chair bound as I could not walk up stairs. After my third hospital admission doctors said that I was at high risk of cardiac arrest and I had dangerous heart rhythms. They informed mum and dad that there was nothing more they could do to help.

I can’t begin to imagine what it would have been like for my parents to see their child dying and not be able to do anything about it.

I neared the end of my tether when I began to hide weights under my baggy clothes on my weekly doctor visits in my attempt to disguise my ever-spiraling weight.

No place in Australia offered the help that I needed at the time, until my parents were told by friends about a place in Nashville, Tennessee – Mercy Ministries of America. When doctors were told of my plans to fly overseas they did not allow me to travel due to the strain it would place on my organs, particularly my heart.

After a year at Mercy Ministries, I had faced my issues, and had begun to speak positive words over my life. I would do laps of the car-park every day speaking aloud words that were building me up, and not bringing me down.

The reality is that I nearly died, and yet I am here, thriving in life.

I am married, into my fifth year of a part-time university degree in Psychology, I work in as a consultant in a successful organisational psychology firm, and I LOVE snow skiing with my husband, Mark. My desire is to help young people move past the things in life that try to stop them from fulfilling their God-given potential.

A TRUE STORY BY KRISTY
CANBERRA, 2007

Email us at info@oxygenfactory.com.au with any advice or stories that you may have that will encourage others in this particular area.
We would love to hear from you!

By David Bennett, Leanne Rowe and Bruce Tonge

It is her fourth cold in three months. She is chronically tired and has stomach pains, which are preventing her from going to school. Lucy is a shy, sensitive fifteen-year-old. Her parents have taken her to naturopaths, chiropractors, then the family GP, who referred her to a psychologist.
The consultation with the psychologist went like this:

‘I sense that something else is wrong.’ ‘No.’

‘Are you worried about anything?’ ‘No.’

‘How is school?' ‘Good.’

‘Who do you hang around with at school?’ ‘Nobody.’

Then, with tears welling in her eyes, Lucy said: ‘My friends have dumped me. They swear at me. Older kids stole my bag. No one cares and everything is my fault. I’m bored and I’ve got nothing to do.’

Is Lucy being bullied or is she depressed, or both? The kinds of questions to ask Lucy are:

‘How long have you been feeling sad?

When can you last remember feeling happy?

How has your school work been going?

What are your usual interests and have you been interested in them lately?

How are your friendships?

How is your appetite?

Have you lost or gained weight recently?

How are you sleeping?

If the bullying stopped, would you feel completely better?

Would that fix everything?’

Recognising the difference between sadness and depression is important, because not all teenagers who are sad, morose or miserable are depressed. Such reactions can be appropriate responses to life's ups and downs. Depression should be suspected, however, if a young person who's sad, downhearted, withdrawn, uncharacteristically irritable or vaguely unwell, remains in that state for more than two weeks. Then, getting the right help is important!

'At a time when parents just want their children to be happy, depression among young Australians is increasing. It is a serious problem for young people, their families and society.'

These are the opening words of the introduction to our new book, I Just Want You To Be Happy: Preventing and tackling youth depression. But the story that unfolds is not all doom and gloom. As doctors who have a great deal of experience in working with young people (and their families) who are stressed, unwell or otherwise in trouble, we make no apology for the essentially optimistic and hopeful stance that we take on the issue because, contrary to popular myth, depression in young people can be prevented, or picked up early and treated effectively.

In fact, pretty much any predicament that a young person and their family may encounter can be sorted out; lives can be healed. Whether you’re a parent, carer, teacher or friend, it’s important not to feel cornered or defeated. It helps to know something about normal adolescent development and behaviour, to be able to recognise signs of distress (some of which are mentioned above in relation to Lucy), and to know where to turn for appropriate help and guidance.

Our materialistic society encourages us to seek endless euphoria through buying new things and having new experiences, but it leaves many of us in a permanent state of dissatisfaction. George Bernard Shaw once remarked that ‘a lifetime of happiness would be hell on earth.’ Fortunately, we know from many decades of research that, in addition to having an engaged and meaningful life, feeling good requires a commitment to helping others. We are impressed by schools that encourage and support meaningful community service by students. It is important to recognise that teachers and schools are also in the front line for preventing depression in young people. One of the most important things we can do for young people is to teach them to think optimistically and manage stress.  

We invite you to join us in our efforts to promote health and wellbeing in young people and hope that you will enjoy reading I Just Want You To Be Happy available from bookstores.

Q.1 Feeling unmotivated? Feeling lost? Feeling like there is not much purpose to your life?

Q.2 Can you show in your journal or on a spreadsheet…or anywhere written, your list of goals…things you want to achieve…where you are heading…people you want to help…lives you want to change…awards you want to win…nations you want to visit…diseases you want to cure…kilometres you want to run…business you want to start?

If the answer to any part of question one is yes, then chances are your answer to question two is NO!

The best way to get motivated is to work out where you wish to go. If you don’t know where you want to go, you won’t be motivated to get there.

Having goals is the best way to stay productive and focus on what is really important. I sit down every January and July and update an Excel spreadsheet to which I keep adding goals. I read through this file at least once a month to make sure I am on track and tick off goals achieved. Any goals that I am working on presently and need to keep charged about I stick them on the edge of my computer screen so I see them everyday. It is rewarding and satisfying to know you are achieving your heart’s desires. Sometimes I realise I have achieved a goal without having thought much about it. That shows there is power in writing your goals down and committing them to paper. Subconsciously you will then start to work towards it

I write my goals under the following categories;

1. Adventure / Travel / Recreation
2. Community Service
3. Education
4. Family
5. Financial
6. Friends
7. Health and Fitness
8. Material
9. Professional / Career
10. Spiritual / Ethical

We have included an Excel template for you to get started. Simply save this Excel file to your computer and you can start entering your goals. All the Oxygen Factory team use this format and love it. We hope you find it useful as well.

Goals you record can be as simple as what time you want to get out of bed each morning, or as complex as completing an Honours Degree in the area of your choice. There are no rules or regulations as to the complexity of your goals. Each one, no matter how small is a step to a more productive and fulfilling life.

If you are in Year 12 this year then you should have your target UAI, VCE, OP, TER posted up in a place in your room where you can see it! Don’t be vague or ambiguous with your target mark for fear of being wrong. Write in bold numbers what you are aiming for. Say it loud and proud, and put in the effort you need to get you as close as possible to your target.

“I would rather aim at the stars and hit a tree, than aim at a tree and hit a rock.” Ancient Proverb

What we focus on, we often get…so focus on your target mark and you will be amazed how much closer you will get than if you had not done this.

I have heard some people talk about how they don’t believe in setting goals. They describe goal setting as ‘restrictive’ and they believe we are best suited to let life take its course without too much active steering on our behalf. RUBBISH! Setting goals gets you moving! It starts the momentum so even if you do end up changing your path or direction, at least you were moving which enabled the turn to happen.

Remember, when setting goals it is important you align them to your values. What do you value in life?

If one of your goals is to go running three times a week but you don’t value and enjoy physical fitness then you are unlikely to achieve that goal.

If one of your goals is to earn $1000 a week but you don’t value a strong work ethic or being punctual then you are unlikely to achieve your goal.

Start by listing the top 5 things you value most. Then you can make sure all these are accounted for in your list. Your goals should reflect what you value and act as paths for you to take towards your goals.

The Oxygen Factory’s TOP TEN TIPS for Goal setting are;

1. WRITE THEM DOWN. Your goals should be what you really want…not what others want for you.
2. BE SPECIFIC: This keeps them measurable so you know when you have achieved a goal.
3. SET TIME FRAMES: To certain goals.
4. REVIEW: Your goals regularly
5. BE ACCOUNTABLE: If you are working on a goal that is difficult to accomplish eg. Keeping to a fitness regime or achieving a certain exam mark or improving a relationship then be accountable. Find someone to whom you can report regularly to keep you moving forward.
6. UPDATE your goals regularly. Like anything goals need adjusting
7. REWARD YOURSELF for the goals that you achieve
8. KEEP THEM VISIBLE: important goals that you are focusing on now in front of you. In the shower, on your notice board or in your diary. Keep them in your visual site daily to help you stay on course.
9. CHALLENGE YOURSELF: Set goals that cause you to stretch and grow and perhaps take you out of your comfort zone.
10. GO: Start today!

Life is...

Mother Teresa

To benefit, admire, taste, realise, meet, complete, play, fulfil, overcome, sing, accept, confront, dare, make, create and fight for things in life can start with you setting and pursuing goals for your life in areas that you value.

Henry Wheeler Shaw, Humorist.

So overcome procrastination and start today!

Email us at info@oxygenfactory.com.au with any advice or stories that you may have that will encourage others in this particular area.
We would love to hear from you!

There are an estimated 800 million undernourished people in the world.
There are an estimated 1 billion people who are overweight due to increasingly sedentary lifestyles and changing eating habits. 

TIME magazine August 28th 2006. Pg 12.

What are we doing to our bodies? Childhood and teenage obesity appears in the news regularly.

Changes to the canteen menu? Changes to the weekend sporting menu? A healthy menu at McDonalds? Less than 7grams of fat in a Subway Sandwich?

What is the answer?

Here are some helpful points from an article published in the February 2006 issue of ‘Good Medicine’ Magazine.

1. Specific foods do not cause obesity. Overeating in general, along with inactivity, are the main culprits.

2. The only long-lasting method of preventing obesity is to change both these factors: your diet and lack of exercise.

3. It is shocking to know that a single fast-food restaurant meal often contains enough energy to meet your entire daily requirements.

4. Many studies have shown that having a television, particularly in your teenager's bedroom, is a major risk for obesity.

5. Teenage obesity affects both the physical and psychological health of young people and puts them at risk of ill health as adults, and the longer an adolescent is obese, the harder it is to fix.

6. The solution seems simple. Although your genes do play a role, a lack of physical activity, unhealthy eating patterns, or a combination of the two are mainly responsible for weight problems and obesity in adolescents.

All material is © Media 21 Publishing, and originally appeared in the February 2006 issue of Good Medicine magazine.

 

The problem seems so huge it is hard to know where to begin. Let’s start with making sure ourselves as individuals are doing the best we can for our own health and fitness.

The best time to realise that is NOW! Often it is not till later in life when our bodies start to break, drop, fade, ache, snap, and malfunction and then we understand the importance of being fit, healthy and active throughout your teens, twenties and thirties.

Prime Minister John Howard is 68 years old. He goes walking every morning. He could not fulfil his role as Prime Minister and cope with the pressure of policy, the demand of travel and constant opposition without being physically fit. He is an exceptional role model as to how to maintain a solid and high powered career into your later years. I bet many of you know other 68 year olds that don’t walk every day. I bet they are not nearly as fit and active and effective in life as John  Howard is.

 

6 TIPS to get started with exercise:

1. Physical fitness must be a priority in your life: Over watching TV, chatting on My Space or MSN, exercise is MORE IMPORTANT. If you can get into good habits in your teens and maintain them through your 20’s and 30’s you will set yourself up for life. The later you start and harder it is.

2. Learn to love everything about exercise: The sweat, the smelly socks, the dirty shoes. It is all serving your body well. Keeping you strong and maximising your potential to effectively carry out all your daily tasks.

3. Start small: Start with jogging for 5 minutes and then increase it to 10 minutes and so on. You can’t start by running the City to Surf but you can start by jogging to the corner of your street. Set yourself short term goals that will get you to your long term goals.

4. Write it down: Start an exercise journal where you record your activities and can chart your progress. This is a great way to see how well you are doing and realise you are achieving results. They may be small but at least you are now off the couch.

5. Find things you enjoy: There are so many sports and different physical activities out there, that there must be something that you enjoy! When we enjoy what we do we are far more likely to make the sacrifice to partake in it regularly.

6. Be accountable: Find a friend or family member who you can exercise with. You are more likely to get out of bed early when you know your friend will be waiting for you on your corner in 15 minutes time for your morning run together. Being accountable is a primary key in achieving any goal. Sometimes we are too easy on ourselves. We need a friend to give us that kick up the *%$# that we need!

 

Being physically fit does not just benefit our physical body but other parts as well:
 
 
Our MIND
 
Our EMOTIONS
 
Our ability to RELATE to others

 
Our hope for the FUTURE

 

You have ONE body! Why not make it magnificent!

I challenge you to make some hard decisions.

When I was 17, I decided that I would give up drinking soft drink.
I am now 32 and have not since drunk a sip of soft drink.

When I was 22, I decided that I must go to the gym at least 3 times a week.

I am now 32 and could pretty safely say there have been few weeks where I have not achieved this.

Now I am 32, I am embarking on a new challenge. I am going to quit eating hot chips. Sad but true!

What could you decide to do today to improve your body for tomorrow?

Here are some ideas…

1. Quit drinking soft drink

2. Start a regular exercise program

3. Eat 1/2/3 pieces of fruit per day

4. Eat a healthy breakfast every morning

5. Eat chocolate ONLY on weekends

6. Improve your flexibility by stretching 1/2/3/4/ times a week

7. Quit smoking

8. Stop drinking alcohol

9. Avoid binge drinking

10. Stop eating potato chips

11. Eat hot chips ONLY on Saturdays

12. Buy one pack of lollies each month

13. Walk to the bus stop or train station every morning

14. Join a sporting team

This list could be endless. Choose something that is realistic and achievable for you and make it happen. If you continue this process for 30 days then you will have created a new habit in your life!

Email us your hard decision that you make, and we can add it to the site to provide others with ideas about what they might do. If we work together and help each other we can slowly improve the health and fitness of young Australians.

Email us at info@oxygenfactory.com.au with any advice or stories that you may have that will encourage others in this particular area.
We would love to hear from you!

Many changes occur in our lives when we leave school. Let's talk about three of those...

1. DIRECTION
2. RELATIONSHIPS
3. MONEY 

DIRECTION

A common concern for young people coming to the end of their schooling is not knowing exactly what they want to do.
If I study, what and where do I study?
If I work, where do I work?
If I travel, where should I go, with whom and how do I pay for it?

Approaching the end of Year 12 it can be daunting if you are not sure what to do. We all have friends who knew from 10 years of age what they wanted to be, a Marine Biologist or a Dentist or something specific. But we also know people who put their pen down after their last Year 12 exam, and think ‘What now?”

Our advice is DO SOMETHING!

Making a choice about Tertiary Education does not mean this will be your life forever. At the latest estimate people have six career changes in their working life. They may start studying one area and as the process goes along they find a greater understanding of their passions and what they want to pursue. It does not matter if you change your mind or feel like you made a wrong decision or failed. No decision is wrong if it gives you more clarity as to what is right for your life.

Here is a great story about my wife’s journey after school...

What I love about my wife’s story is that despite her knowing what she wanted to do from Year 9, her later experiences and opportunities changed her direction. New experiences open our eyes to more options and make us aware of what we like and dislike. The best thing to do is to make a decision about what you are going to do and do it! It does not matter if throughout the process the destination changes. Just moving keeps us learning and growing. Much of the time when exploring sport, career, education options, we work out what we don’t want to do. That is also positive. You will reach your ultimate goal and direction by a process of elimination. Whatever you do to achieve your dreams is worth it.

RELATIONSHIPS

In the final weeks of school we stand arm in arm with our school friends as we sway and sing our graduation songs. Lyrics like the following are sung loud and proud and with a conviction that seems unshakable.

That’s What Friends Are For - Bacharach

Unfortunately the reality is often different, and this can be a great shock to school leavers. Different universities, colleges, workplaces or where you live make keeping in touch with school friends difficult. As our lives, interests and directions change we need to embrace the fact that so will our friends. Some friends you will be sipping tea with in your seventies, but others will drift away. That is a natural part of life and should not be feared.

A friend told me of a great thing they did after school to keep in touch. One of their group Stacey – who was a super organised person, drew up a roster. They left school in 1996 and she did a roster where the first Friday of every second month someone was in charge of organising a dinner venue. At the time the roster went to 1999 and everyone laughed at Stacey saying “As if it is going to last that long!” Well Stacey is the one laughing now and her friends have her to thank. Still today in 2007 the roster continues and this group of friends still enjoys dinner together six times a year.

It sounds regimented and lacking spontaneity but with the pace of life and careers going in different directions, it is what they needed to keep in touch.

Other great tips for dealing with the changing relationships at this time are:

1. Keep a note in your diary and call an old friend once a month. It could be a different friend each month. Then you are touching base at least once a year.

2. Make an effort to send birthday cards or remember important dates…anniversaries, graduations, deaths of close ones to send your love.

3. Avoid contact only by group emails. If there is someone you really want to stay in touch with, send personal emails or SMS’s to keep them updated on your activities.

4. Embrace opportunities to make new friends and meet new people. Be friendly. Smile and be interested in others’ lives.

The best way to have good friends is to be a good friend. Treat people better than they deserve and you will reap the rewards.

Relationships matter. When your various “status roles” have ended, it is often good friends that remain so take the time, make the sacrifices and invest in your relationships. You will be glad you did.

MONEY

We want things NOW! Fast-food, high speed connection, express checkout, speed dating, quick fix, faster downloads...Want something - buy it...don't have cash - charge it. Buy now - pay nothing till 2009. Don't deny yourself of anything...if it feels good, do it.

The problem is INSTANT GRATIFICATION – we want it NOW! Everything was just so FIVE MINUTES AGO and if we can’t have it now then we feel dejected and depressed.
This is a real trap for school leavers and one we need to be aware of. We learn so much in school. We know how to solve complex algebraic equations, who started WWII, and what happens when we combine chemicals in a test tube. But we learn little about managing our money.
Suddenly, many of us are earning money for the first time and we get a credit card application in the mail from several financial institutions. It all seems so grown up. We are ready to take on the world.
The decisions you make about money, as a school leaver can make or break your financial security over the coming years.
Here are five money management tips we encourage you to embrace

1. Budget: write a budget and stick to it. A budget enables you to tell your money where to go, rather than allow your money rule your life and restrict your activities.
2. Save 10% of your income in an untouchable account. Many financial institutions have great saving accounts available. Some even have no fees. Set up one of these accounts and start putting money away. You will see it grow and you will begin to understand saving, while not really even missing this money from your pay check.
3. Avoid Credit. If you don’t have the money…you can’t buy it. That needs to be your motto.
4. When you really want to buy something…sleep on it. Don’t succumb to impulse purchases. You could regret it. Sleep on it and if the desire to purchase the shirt, shoes or toy remains as strong in the next few days, and you have the cash, then do it. If not, you will be able to think more clearly about how you can better allocate that money you worked hard to earn.
5. Educate yourself: Read about money management and how you can best use your money. Making your money work for you is a great skill to develop. Learning how to invest your money wisely will set you in good steed for building a career, family and a future free of financial pressure.

School leavers: Have you got any advice about life after school? What do you know now that you wish you knew before leaving school?
Email us at info@oxygenfactory.com.au and let us know your thoughts.

"Above all, be true to yourself, & if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it"   Hardy D Jackson

One of my favourite classic movies as a child was the classic Wizard of Oz. Each character possessed idiosyncrasies that provided depth and meaning to the storyline.

Many can relate to the Tin Woodsman’s experience of losing his heart and his constant battle with the external elements that caused him to rust. Rusting out, produced an inability to move forward. He was faced with the familiar ‘stuck in a rut’ situation. The only cure was for him to restart his heart, or generate a passion for life.

Aristotle says, “There is no action without desire, for it is desire that causes us to act.”

The capacity to act, change or move forward in any area of our life is generated by passion. Passion causes us to take risks and empowers us to achieve our goals. It provides the energy to turn plans into pursuits, and pursuits into outcomes.

I am constantly amazed at which countries do consistently well in the only true world game soccer. The United States of America (USA) is the richest nation in the world, with many state of the art training facilities and money to buy the best coaches, but never really dominates in soccer.

I suspect that is because great athletes don’t necessarily come from privileged circumstances. Many are born out of adversity. Third world countries like Argentina and Brazil are ranked one and two as the best soccer nations. Ghana performs better at World Cups than the USA. Admittedly thought David Beckham and Los Angeles Galaxy are doing their best to promote the round ball came in the USA.

For America to become great at soccer it must take that game to the poorer urban centres. When success in soccer offers a path from poverty and hardship, it can suddenly take a new meaning.

Passion drives people - if you have an appetite for something it increases your prospects of success. A USA athlete might say "I love soccer I love sport, I have good skills. But I can do a lot of other things. This is just one of them".

But a lad on the street corner in Argentina will more likely declare “this round ball is my universe and I can it to change my life.”

So much comes easy for us, we pay our bills online, pay up to $6 for a latte, and hang out in air-conditioned malls to buy our food. We are not driven by hunger. When we say that we are ‘starving’ we know we’re kidding, as we have never really experienced any state approaching starvation.

That drive, that appetite, that hunger to give our all in pursuit of our goals eludes many of us. We are so comfortable we have not known hunger.

Maybe this is why when we see someone with passion, many are quick to pass adverse judgement. Some people couldn’t abide Steve Irwin because his passion and enthusiasm for a cause greater than himself was foreign to them. To witness such drive is not common in our world today. Steve may not have lived a long life, but he surely lived a full life.

The opposite of being a passionate person is being an impassioned or even apathetic. But apathy can waste lives and opportunities that do turn up.

There is a cost to pay for pursing your dream and that cost is discipline. Conversely there may be a greater price to pay in not pursing your dream, and that is regret at opportunities not created or taken.

Life is too short to get stuck in a rut because you have lost your heart for a job, a relationship or a dream. Rekindle those desires again. You never really lose them, they just become rusty from life’s inevitable drenchings.

The Tin Woodsman’s final comment in the film was,

"I know I have a heart because it’s breaking."

When work, family, circumstance (or a student) breaks your heart, it is only because you have a heart for them.

Tim Redmond said,

"There are many things that will catch my eye, but there are only a few things that will catch my heart."

By Glen Gerreyn

He speaks to thousands of people each year and quite surprisingly many of these young men and women often sit in his midst feeling somewhat exhausted. They are wearied by two things. Firstly the energy that oozes from him with every word and every angle he holds his body makes you wonder where your dose of life got lost this morning. You conclude it was probably redirected to his biceps! Then secondly what he expects of his audiences makes you wish the ground would swallow you and end it all before his message truly takes effect. Does he actually mean we must stand from this comfortable chair and take some action to change our world? You see the big dilemma is that Glen Gerreyn believes in the potential and abilities of his audiences and knows in his heart of hearts that they are capable of more than what they are currently achieving. It is for this reason he leaps from his bed each day to deliver this message to his next unsuspecting audience.

“You have more strength, more courage, more hope, more wisdom, more faith, more determination, more skill, more experience than what you had yesterday.”

I write now to those audience members who have felt overwhelmed and inadequate by this belief Glen has in humanity. To you I say…TRY LIVING WITH HIM! You felt inundated with his big message and even bigger life after five hours!? Imagine how I feel after five years!!!

Hi, my name is Belinda and I am the wife of Glen Gerreyn. Besieged daily with a motivator in my home.

When a wife and working mother of two wants to collapse on the couch at the end of a busy day I hear…

"there is more in you than what you think you've got!"

When I want to leave the house in a mess or neglect my responsibilities and switch on Oprah or some other less desirable day time television I hear….
 

"You have one life to give, what are you going to give it to?"

When I want to give up, throw in the towel and eat an entire block of chocolate I hear…

“If you’re not going to find the time to exercise and eat well, you had better find the time to be sick!”

So if you feel exhausted with his endless motivation? Spare a thought for me!

My scary revelation about these statements is that they no longer come from Glen’s mouth. They are now present as little voices in my head, trapped in my brain indefinitely. Glen and I are approaching our 5th Wedding Anniversary in January 2009 and I have to admit I am changed person for having taken that journey down the aisle. One of the most significant being that I no longer eat chocolate before 3:00pm. For those who were acquainted with my former self, this simple fact is ground breaking!

I have had the privilege of experiencing many of Glens seminars so have heard these phrases spoken with gusto and passion a number of times. Each time I have been impacted. What is more remarkable for me however is that I see Glen, face to face, day to day living what he teaches. This first hand witness has left me with no choice but to try to follow suit and practice what he preaches.

As a married couple we are fortunate that our tiffs are few and far between. In our early days the few that did occur erupted because of my negative self talk. Glen does not tolerate it when I speak badly about myself. Once we collected photos we had developed at the mall and flicking through them I commented “I look terrible with brown hair.” (I had just dyed my hair in one of those weak moments we women have.) In great frustration he barked “Why must you speak like that about yourself” then grabbed the photos and proceeded to walk five kilometers home, not wanting to be in the presence of such negativity. It hurt him that I would speak like that as it went against his core beliefs. It grated against his very being. This is one of the many attributes that make him so good at what he does and why his work is so vital for Australian teenagers.

He has created a home for our growing family that is positive, inspiring and safe. By safe, he certainly does not wrap us in cotton wool. He wants to see both myself and his kids fail at things we pursue, but is ever present to encourage us to “pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off and try again.” He is building a resilient and courageous family and this is what he seeks to create in schools. He sees a generation of resilient and courageous teenagers who do not shy away from challenges but tackle them head on no matter how silly or unsuccessful their attempt may seem. The knowledge that they have tried now leaves them with more experience and thus a greater chance of success for their next attempt.

You will never hear from Glen “I had a bad day.” He’ll be the first to admit that moments of his day were bad, but you will never hear him surrender an entire day to the bad side. His level of enthusiasm as the sun rises each morning will never be squashed by a single person, circumstance or event. Even suffering from an incurable disease will not steal his joy. But in saying that I think his cure to this incurable disease is the very joy he embodies. In the 18 years he has suffered from Ulcerative Colitis his present health has not been exceeded. For Glen, there is always something to be thankful for and there exists beauty in his life to be acknowledged. I am sure this transpires into health for his body.

While Glen’s level of motivation, positive self talk, hope and belief can seem exhausting to us mere mortals, I could never express my gratitude for the day he first sauntered into my office and interrupted with “tell me a bit about yourself.” Whatever he saw that day was enough for him to ask me out on a date and the rest is history. If what he saw was a raw, unmotivated specimen on whom he could inflict and subsequently test the tricks of his trade, I don’t care. I could not have dreamt of a better husband even if I had sat through his very own ‘Dream Bandits’ seminar where he gets you to stretch, and stretch and stretch again, your dream.

For now I had better sign off…Glen is looking over my shoulder because my deadline for completion is approaching in a matter of minutes and my next task awaits! There is no rest for the wife of a motivator…or for our Oxygen Factory team as a matter of fact. And to think this pace will continue now his sights are set on Towards 2020…but we would have it no other way.

Finally though, it would be remiss of me not to put out a warning to those future audiences in Glen’s path. There is a new day approaching when in front of you a crazy, bald headed black man will appear with microphone in hand. His truly incurable disease of hope, passion and discipline just may infect you and change your world forever. You will not remain the same.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

By Belinda Gerreyn

OXYGEN FACTORY NATIONAL YOUTH SURVEY

MySpace is to the current generation of teens what MTV was to Generation X, a social revolution. It is a Digital Social Network (DSN) that allows members to create their own webpage and profile, including everything from personal details and tastes, to videos and music. With over 110 million active users and a further 300,000 new registrations every day (as of January 9, 2008) it is clear this new cyber network is here to stay. The primary age demographic of MySpace is 14-34.

The MySpace phenomenon has become a source of controversy in the media. With some schools and workplaces banning the site, law enforcement investigating threats posted online on student pages and increasing concern about accessibility, privacy and child predators it is important we are aware of it’s powerful influence in the lives of our teenagers.

As a champion of youth culture and an authority on current youth trends, Oxygen Factory (O2F) has sought to delve deeper into the MySpace experience and to ascertain it’s significance to Australian high school students.

In term 4, 2007, the O2F surveyed 3571 Senior High school students, asking them about their experience with MySpace.

68% of respondents have a personal MySpace profile and acknowledge this forum as the easiest way to keep in touch with their friends.

Despite being at school with their peers all day nearly two thirds of respondents still feel the need to get home to their computer to stay in touch with friends. As they ‘pimp their profile’ MySpace facilitates a cyber existence and births a new persona. Many students hide behind their computer screen presenting a part of themselves they don’t have the courage to present in person.

Of that 68% with MySpace profiles, 53% of respondents have experienced conflict among their friendship groups because of who they display as their ‘top 5’ friends on MySpace.

MySpace ‘top 5’ friends has become another avenue where students feel the need to compete for their friends approval and acknowledgement. This friendship status indicator is a new passive aggressive way of snubbing friends if they have done something wrong. No dialogue is entered into. Simply the rejected friend learns of their demotion by being ditched from the ‘top 5’ friend list. It is a non-confrontational, yet very public way of dealing with friendship woes.

This poses the question, will this leave many students today without key communication skills, particularly for dealing with conflict?

40% of respondents spend more than 3 hours each week on MySpace.

It is estimated that Australian fathers spend a daily average of six minutes in the presence of their children and 14 seconds in meaningful conversation. (Media Release, 24 June 2004 Dr Michael Carr-Gregg). Yet 40% of respondents are giving more than 25 minutes a day (on average) to their MySpace family. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to reverse this trend. For many Dads it seems hard to compete with the excitement and versatility of sites like MySpace while also juggling work and family responsibility.

In our Heart of the Father session we encourage Dads to ‘date’ their daughters and ‘schmooze’ their sons. Scheduling one on one time each month with each child gives Dad an open forum for better communication, shared experiences and a stronger and more influential relationship.

53% of respondents replace schoolwork with their time on MySpace.

With students needing to do much of their homework and study on the computer, the obvious question is; are they doing their required school work or is MySpace minimized to the bottom of the screen until parents leave the room? 53% of respondents admitted to replacing schoolwork time with MySpace. With constant interruptions to announce a new posted comment or chat with a friend online it is no wonder so much study time is compromised.

Keeping students passionate about their goals and helping them understand the need for self-discipline is a primary avenue educators have at inspiring students to set aside focused time for their school work. One of our goals at the Oxygen Factory is to do just that!

By Glen Gerreyn

"Depression might be part of your JOURNEY but it is not your destination. 

There is a LIGHT at the end of the tunnel."  Jane Hennessy 

WHAT IS DEPRESSION?

Clinical Depression is a state of sadness or despair that is so overwhelming that it disrupts an individual’s ability to function normally, either socially or in simple daily activities. It causes both mental and physical symptoms. It is a medical diagnosis and is not simply just ‘feeling depressed’.

FACT 1 Approximately one in four females and one in six males will experience depression in their lifetime.

FACT 2 Depression is the leading cause of suicide.

FACT 3 Depression is the number one disabling illness in Australia today.

www.youthfacts.com.au

Depression strikes more than 100 million people around the world every year. Sadly, despite these numbers, those suffering feel completely alone.
 

You are not alone;
Robbie Williams, John Lennon, Audrey Hepburn, Angelina Jolie, Christina Ricci, Claude Monet, Ernest Hemingway, Winston Churchill ALL SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION …and the list goes on…

 
 
STORY:

It started when I was 15. I had more and more trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. I began to dread going to school every day. I started to miss my swimming training sessions. I just didn’t enjoy them any more. I stopped going to parties on the weekends. I hated every day. My friends started to pull away from me. I was tired all the time. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I felt like crying all the time.

One day at the end of year 10, Jenny and I were waiting at the bus stop and I just started to cry. She didn’t say anything. She just sat there and listened to me. She didn’t say I was crazy or walk away from me. She just sat there and gave me a hug. The next day she took me to see the school counselor. I really didn’t want to go. I mean, what could she do to make me feel better and get back to normal? It was amazing. She listened to everything and gave me all these tools to use every day. She told me to go and see my GP. I did and he told me I have depression. Now I know what it is I am having counseling and I am getting back to my old self. I’m swimming again and I’ve started hanging out with my friends again. It’s weird. I thought they would call me crazy if I told them I had depression. Turns out Sally’s mum has depression and Jasmine has depression too! They have been the most amazing support, I’m getting better, feeling great and I am not alone anymore.

Stephanie – 17 years old. VIC

Winona Ryder said:

"You can be rich, poor, male, female, young, old – it doesn’t matter. Psychological illness can strike anyone, anywhere."

She was right. Depression is more prevalent today than ever. The good news is that it is also more treatable than ever. There are more resources and there has never been more hope for depression sufferers than NOW!

The onus is on you to SEEK HELP! Friends, family and counselors are not mind readers but they are ready and willing to help. Reach out to just one person and see the difference it makes to your depression.

You need to FORCE YOUR WILL OVER THE POWER OF DEPRESSION!

 
Know this, you are not your depression. This is not who you are, this is something you are going through. Depression is the most easily treated illness.

I AM SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION…WHAT DO I DO?

In reading this page you have already done the first thing…realising you have a problem and seeking help.

 
First 5 steps on the path to Recovery:

1. Tell someone…family member, friend, teacher, counselor, GP. Things will become easier the moment you share the burden with someone. You are no longer alone and isolated.

2. Address any problems in your life with work, family, relationships etc.

3. Start a journal. Write down how you are feeling and get it out of you on to paper. Identify the problems and triggers that are getting you down and confront them.

4. Pamper yourself. Do something everyday for yourself. Go for a walk, buy a new, happy CD, have a bubble bath.

5. Allow yourself to grieve. Depression is often triggered by a loss or traumatic event in our lives. It is imperative that we take the time to feel that pain and take the time out we need to heal.

THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED

This is temporary. You were not born depressed and you will not be depressed for the rest of your life. Hang in there.

You are not your depression. Your depressive personality is not who you are. All the negative thoughts and actions are a result of the depression you are suffering.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! There is ALWAYS someone to talk to. A parent, a friend, a teacher, a counselor, a GP, a helpline. Please see the list of amazing organisations at the bottom of this page! Ask for help.

You can survive this. It is a choice. A choice for life. You must decide that the depression is not going to take over your life and to take steps toward healing and recovery.

You are worth it. Everyone is here for a reason. You are NOT here to suffer and be miserable but to find happiness and contribute. You are the only one of you there is on this earth. That means without you, your purpose will never be fulfilled and the world will be a lesser place.

MY FRIEND/FAMILY MEMBER IS DEPRESSED…WHAT CAN I DO?

How do you help someone close to you who is suffering depression or is simply going through a hard time.

 
LISTEN. Be disciplined and say nothing. Be patient and don’t interrupt. Just let them talk it out.

SPEND TIME WITH THEM. Know that they may be resistant. Take them out on short trips to places that are non-threatening. Not too many people. Let them know that you care.

ENCOURAGE THEM TO SEEK HELP. Counseling can carry a stigma and be intimidating but it is the best chance for recovery and health. It only has to be one session. Someone who will just listen to you. They may be able to give you some tools to make each day easier for you (school counselor/local community centre/hospital social worker/local GP/Lifeline/Kids Helpline).

PATIENCE. You may need to be patient. Healing takes time and it’s different for everyone. Know that this is an illness and like any illness it takes time to heal.

GET OUT! No this is not an epithet screamed at the top of your lungs mid-argument. This means; Get out of the house. Create small reasons to get the depressed person out of the house. Go for a walk, get a coffee, see a movie, go to the gym. Exercise is very important and will naturally lift the mood. They won’t want to do these things. Be persistent and thick skinned. You will see positive results.

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF! One of the depressed persons concerns may be that their suffering will affect people around them and that is one of the reasons they withdraw. Take the time to look after yourself. Talk to someone else about what you are doing. Be aware of your own feelings and responses. Spend time with other friends and maintain healthy relationships.

DO SOME LITTLE TASKS FOR THEM; hang out the washing, buy the bread, feed the dog. Depressed people aren’t lazy. Remember how you feel when you’re sick and you can’t get out of bed. A depressed person feels the same way.

MAKE SURE THE DEPRESSIVE PERSON IS ATTENDING ALL THEIR DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS. Give them a lift or wait in the waiting room for them.

TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. If they confess they are having suicidal thoughts, tell someone and support them in seeking help.

REMEMBER THE DEPRESSED PERSON’S BEHAVIOUR ISN’T INDICATIVE OF WHO THEY REALLY ARE. It is the illness. Put yourself in their shoes and learn all you can about depression.

These responses were recorded by teenagers suffering with depression…

10 Things NOT to Say to someone who is depressed

1. Snap out of it.
2. Cheer up. No one ever said life was fair.
3. Everyone gets depressed sometimes.
4. You’re just looking for attention.
5. Just don’t think about it (Depression can be overwhelming. It is the way you see the world).
6. I thought you were stronger than that.
7. What do you have to get depressed about?
8. There are so many people worse off than you!
9. You’re just having a bad day. Let it go.
10. You’re dragging everyone down. Get over it.

10 Things to Say to someone who is depressed
 
1. I love you.
2. You are not alone.
3. I won’t leave you.
4. I’m sorry you are in so much pain. I am going to take care of myself so you don’t have to worry that your pain will hurt me.
5. We’ll get through this together, no matter how long it takes.
6. One day at a time!
7. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Let’s just get through today.
8. Nothing! Don’t speak. Just sit and listen.
9. "If you need a friend…"(and mean it!)
10. I can’t understand what this is like for you but I will do whatever I can to help you through it.

Where to go for help:

Beyond Blue
www.beyondblue.org.au 

The Black Dog Institute
www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

Kids Helpline
www.kidshelp.com.au

Lifeline
www.lifeline.org.au

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