By Jacqui Marquis-Conder

      Adolescent and Family Counsellor at KYDS

     "Many parents, teachers and other professionals report challenges when communicating with teenagers!  Here at Ku-ring-gai Youth Development Services Inc (KYDS) we work with teenagers every day and we have put together some tips to help you, help young people.

       1.    Respect- Often young people feel that their feelings and opinions are minimised or not taken seriously.  Remember, what might not be a “big deal” to an adult, can be a huge deal to a young person. Their thoughts and feelings need to be respected in order to facilitate good communication. It is also useful also to speak to a young person on their level rather than ‘preaching’.      

2.    Be patient and non-judgemental- It is very valuable for a young person to have an adult that they feel they can be honest with and will have the time and energy to listen.

3.    Be available- As simple as it may sound, it can often be difficult to be available when everyone is living a busy life.  Making time for a young person, when this is sought out, is crucial for building relationships no matter how limited your time.

4.    Be predictable- Believe it or not…young people report that they actually prefer having boundaries set by adults so that they know what is expected of them!  Being clear and up-front about your concerns can help prevent misunderstandings.

5.    Provide opportunities to build trust- Trust is a huge issue.  Young people need opportunities to demonstrate that they can be trusted.  If you try to make decisions for young people, they will learn not to trust their own judgement.

6.    Learn to fight without hurting each other- Teenagers need help regulating their emotions during conflict.  If a disagreement arises, focus on the issue and remain calm when emotions start to rise. If adults lose control in an argument, this does not set a good example for young people.

7.    Listen- Listening is often a neglected skill in communication. Being a ‘sounding board’ allows a young person to express himself to an adult and bounce ideas. 

8.    Persuasion rather than confrontation- Remember, the same basic rules generally apply to assertive communication with adults as they do with young people. Try giving your young person attractive reasons for choosing the desired behaviour and following ‘reasonable requests’.  Coupled with a calm statement of the consequences for not following through with requests.

9.    Use peace phrases regularly.  For example: ‘I appreciate you’; ‘Thank you’; ‘Let me be sure what you are saying’ and ‘Let’s sit down and talk this through together’.

10.  Seek the young person’s opinions- Young people have their own creative thoughts and ideas.  Seeking these out can be a good way to connect with a young person and they often have something valuable to contribute.

Effective communication with teenagers is not always easy, especially if it is coupled with challenging behaviours or complex family issues, but it is important that teenagers are heard.

KYDS provide free and confidential counseling on an individual basis for 12-18 year old young people living on Sydney’s North Shore as well as counseling to parents and families.  Since opening its doors in 2005, KYDS has seen over 2,600 young people and parents. To help support KYDS please visit there website at www.kyds.org.au or call on (02) 9416 9824.